About Me

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Thank you for visiting and welcome. I am a terminally-ill, 90-year-old mother, grandmother, and published author. I created this page at the behest of my friends and acquaintances. The purpose of this page is to share with you the many thoughts that have occurred to me during their frequent visits to my home. I've entitled my thoughts, "Vailia's Reflections". They're listed in reverse chronological order. I hope you find them to be of value. My book concerning Alzheimer's disease, Marshall's Journey, has been my most rewarding achievement to date. It practically wrote itself and demanded to be heard. As my understanding of Alzheimer's grew, I knew that I had discovered skills that would help victims and caregivers through the painful devastation of the illness. I have also been proactive in negotiating the terms of my own death. My views have been the subject of several local television newscasts. In addition, I've been quoted in articles that appeared in recent editions of the Wall Street Journal and San Diego Magazine. Please enjoy your stay.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

26 - Listening

Listening


Listen - To make a conscious effort to hear, to attend closely so as to hear
Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary

I’ve missed a lot of information and understanding during my lifetime and that’s a shame. Looking back, I now recall that I would frequently cut off my children’s explanations with some motherly advice. Likewise, I already had the answer to a friend’s dilemma even before they finished speaking. And if we read the same book, I had to offer my interpretation the minute the other party finished giving me theirs. I wasn’t smug. I was just behaving as so many do. I wasn’t listening.

It’s taken me a long time to realize that though I thought I was listening, I obviously was not. It’s strange to become aware that my mind had been generating responses long before the other party had completed a sentence. I wonder if that’s the way I went through school, especially high school. I remember my algebra teacher explaining a problem and thinking about whether my current boyfriend would call that night and ask me to his prom. I wasn’t listening to the teacher.

It seems to me that much of our knowledge is formed through listening. For me, spiritual knowledge was imparted in the words given to me by a Rabbi or a Priest or a Minister. (I must have been listening on those occasions!) I listened enough to get good grades in school but not sufficiently well to make the subject being taught a complete part of my understanding. I felt rather than listened to angry words and assured myself that the words didn’t apply to me, although they probably did. The truth of the matter is that, during a conversation, I thought more than I listened. That certainly did not make me the best mother, friend or companion. It also did not help me absorb many of the answers I still seek today.

As I reminisce now, it seems to me that listening should be a required class along with reading, writing and arithmetic. Listening is just as important as the others. The world is not full of good listeners. That’s because they were never given a class in listening.

I seem to be learning more during this time of my life. I am growing in a very good way. I’m becoming more aware of the wonder of learning, of the joy of friendship, of appreciation for the love I receive, and for the many large and small miracles that fill my days. Much of what invades my soul, I now learn by conscience listening.

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